handywork

Every now and then, I get completely caught up. I watch one too many HGTV, TLC home improvement shows. (Trading Spaces, Design on a Dime, Moving up...yada yada yada). Those shows are really dangerous because they give me the mistaken impression that everything is sooooooo easy. "I can do that too!", "wow, look how easy that was!", "look how this one accent changed the entire dimension of the room"

Right.

Well I got bit by the bug once again. I decided to put up a wall mirror (actually a housewarming gift from last year ... ssshh). Anyway, the project started last Sunday before Thanksgiving. I realized I didn't have a level (or rather couldn't find my level) so I went to home depot as part of my Sunday errands and bought a new one. By the time I got home and started setting up my tree (another story) and everything else, Charmed was on, and then Desparate Housewives, so I didn't get around to actually putting up the mirror. I saved that treat for yesterday.

Well.. 6 drill holes in the wall later (note: the mirror only required 2) the mirror was up and secured to wall. It took me a total of 57 minutes for me to hang that damned mirror. The distance between the drill holes required a level of precision that I could only accomplish through sheer trial and error. I actually don't know how I finally got the mirror affixed to the wall. For all I know little mirror bits and pieces are scattered on the floor from the dramatic drop from the wall. *sigh*

Lesson to be learned, Don't believe the hype. You can not do it yourself. Hire someone. There is no personal satisfaction in handywork. I speak the truth.

New York Minute

TAXI PLEASE....
Okay, what's up with the yellow cabs? Specifically I'm talking about the ones in the car line up at LaGuardia Airport, actually Kennedy too for that matter. Let me 'splain. It seems that every time I hop in a yellow cab with a Brooklyn destination the cabbie feigns ignorance on how to get there. **boggle** At which point I have give explicit directions on how to navigate the highways/streets to get to my destination including how to get out of the taxi lane and onto the highway..

I feel ...

(1) if you (cabbie) are bold enough to drive out of Manhattan to pick up customers you should be ready and prepared to drive to anywhere in the TRI-STATE AREA -that's NY-NJ-CT for you non-new yawkers.

(2) If I have to give detailed instructions, I should be given a discounted fare. 25% seems fair.

Damned cabbies.

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DRIVING IN THE CITY

For those who don't know New York City is the most highly regulated city when it comes to traffic laws. Things that you wouldn't even thing would be illegal are in this city of mine.. e.g...

1. NO right turn on red!
2. NO talking on your cell phone while driving unless you are using a hands free device.
3. NO horn honking unless there is implicit danger.

Now rule number 1.. eh its just necessary, new yawkers barely stop at a red light, allowing turns on red would probably wipe out 5% of the pedestrian population annually.

Now rule number 2... I guess I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer because I didn't completely absorb this concept. About a year or so ago, I was driving in NYC talking on my cell phone. Realizing that the handsfree cell phone law was well in effect I put my cell phone on speaker as I enjoyed my leisurely ride into the city. Halfway through my journey, I pulled into a tollbooth way to pay the toll which was being operated by a police officer (post 911 precaution). I gave the officer a friendly smile as I handed over my toll fee, while continued to talk on the phone. He interrupted my conversation by asking me for my license and registration. Again clueless, I said to him, "oh wow, this is new. Is this some sort of new security procedure?". He then informed me that I was breaking the law by talking on my cell phone and driving. I course pointed out to him that the call was on speaker. He in return said, "Ma'am the law is that you must ride hands free of a cell phone. Your cell phone is in your hand and you are holding it up to your head". **insert shocked embarrassed expression here** Good news he let me off with a verbal warning. Lesson to be learned... a nice friendly smile can get you out of almost any jam.

Now rule number 3 really boggles my mind. How in the world can it be enforced. Don't honk unless there is imminent danger? huh? Its New York!!! Just breathing the air is dangerous. Moreover, horn honking is part of the local culture. Since this law has been in effect I must admit the streets of New York are noticeably more quiet. However, I feel like the general village idiot gets off easy with this law. I think the law needs to be amended to be something like, "NO horn honking unless there is implicit danger or the driver in front of you is clearly an a--hole". Not that I have road rage or anything. :-) But a tap of the horn is part of my driving technique...

my discovery...

I have a new discovery.... well sort of. Actually, I have Comcast's feature to onDemand to thank for my finding. I have coined the phrase

comfort TV ©

Yes folks. You read it correctly. I'm aaaalllllll about Comfort TV. Allow me to pontificate on this concept for a moment. ...

com·fort (noun)

• A condition or feeling of pleasurable ease, well-being, and contentment.
• The capacity to give physical ease and well-being: enjoying the comfort of my favorite chair.

So like the undeniable comfort of a favorite blankie, or a hot bowl of mac n' cheese, I am comforted by the onDemand lineup from Comcast. Specifically 80s hit favorites "Diff'rent Strokes" and "Fact's of Life". Quite honestly, its a sleep inducer for me. Within 15 minutes or less of watching an episode from either of these programs I am in a deep,restfull state - quickly drifting off to slumber paradise. You would have to be a sleep connoisseur like myself to actually get this concept.But stick with me, I'm going somewhere with this...

On one hand do I believe, this concept is really true American-couch-potato-laziness at its core. To develop a term for indulging in nostalgia TV is just another excuse for inactivity. But my pinko ideologies are quickly drowned out by the hip, still rocking beat...

"Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum, What might be right for you, may not be right for some. A man is born, he's a man of means. Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans..."

or, the catchy, melody that forces me to bobb my head from side to side whenever I sing along...

"You take the good,You take the bad,You take them both and there you have the facts of life.The facts of life.There's a time you gotta go and showYou're growin' now,You know about the facts of life.The facts of life."

(do you also bobb your head from side to side when you sing the facts of life theme song? I think the head bobbing may be part of secret to singing the song correctly... I digress)

All I need is a good "whatchoo talkin 'bout willis" from Arnold Drummond or the witty banter exchange between Blair Warner and Jo Polnezchek not to mention the comedic overtures of Natalie Green and Tootie Ramsey to render me into blissful unconsciousness.

Now what would really be the pièce de résistance, is if Comcast were to add the Jeffersons to its 80s onDemand selection. Whew... I might never leave the house again. Actually not true.. I currently own 3 seasons of the Jefferson's on DVD and still manage to have an active and quite enviableble social life ;-) Note to self: bring Jeffersons DVD set home for thanksgiving. What could be better than the ultimate comfort meal coupled with the ultimate comfort TV program. Besides that turkey and the Jeffersons just go together. (you have to be a real fan to get that connection)

So there you have it folks. I have my vice... ComfortTV©... Find yours!

...I'd like to make a special shout out..

... to my friend Tam-Rock who is holding it down in the middle-east!!! For those of you who don't know Starbucks is truly global -blurring cultural boarders worldwide. Yes you can go as far as Jordan still be able to enjoy a tasty, tantalizing creme brulee latte. yum!

ACTUAL SHOUT OUT: "Tam! Do the damned thing out there...you international service, extraordinary MBA person!!! You know you rock!!! See you soon! Be safe!"

ramdon fans...stay tuned... more posts to come soon...

[NOTE: Thanks for all of the concerned e-mail and phone calls regarding Tam... Never fear, she is doing just fine and is in a safe, well secured location. She left jordan days before the suicide bombings occured.]

..breaking barriers

Okay.. I have another problem... well its perhaps not as much a problem as it is a habit... No.. not really a habit.. its more a form of social protest... Yes that's it! Social protest. I'm all about breaking barriers and making a difference. (stop laughing) My issue... Segregation...yes.. Segregation is still quite alive and real in today's world...especially in the social scene. Let me elaborate for you...

I am by no means a club hopper.. but I do every now and then like to get out, let my hair down and hit a trendy lounge for a drink or three. Now some of these places that I frequent have what seems to be more and more common.. a famed V.I.P. room...

Personally, I don't really see the point of a V.I.P. room.. I mean think about it, what is really the purpose besides creating another revenue stream for a venue to siphon extra dollars away from its patrons under the illusion of exclusivity and prestige? Moreover, who doesn't think they are a V.I.P. anyway.. didn't we all watch enough Sesame Street in our youths to get the lesson that everyone is important, or was it special? or maybe beautiful? However the song goes, I just don't see the great need for the separation.

Anyway, last Friday, we (my happy hour crew) headed over to a lounge to keep the party rolling. Of course, unbeknownst to my crew, I engaged in my protest ritual -I entered the V.I.P. without any form of stamp, wrist band or other visual seals of approval. Most times, I just walk by the bouncer getting the nod of acceptance. Other times I simply smile and briefly chat with the bouncer and am soon thereafter allowed entry. =-O Now, most of my friends, with the exception of J-Lam, do not realize that I do this whenever there is a V.I.P. room in my vicinity. Actually, I specifically do this in DC because I feel like a VIP room in any club/lounge here is particularly absurd. NYC, LA, Miami I sort of leave alone, not that I agree with the concept... but DC? c'mon... why the separation? Can't we all just party together? sheesh..

Okay... so now you are wondering. WHY.. Why on earth do you feel so compelled to engage in such antics? There is no simple answer for that. I guess its my pinko, socialist method of creating more egalitarian society.

So for those of you who have never been to a V.I.P. room here in DC this is what you've missed..

1. Sometimes the scene includes a minor celebrity or an athlete (typically a bench warmer with plenty of unfounded ego and at-ti-tude to share -leaving one to wonder which came first the bench time or the drinking habit?) surrounded by a crowd text book shameless groupies drinking top shelf liquors at the bar.

2. Most of the time the scene is a bunch of guys who are desperately trying to emulate the above, but, not surprisingly, miss the mark and end up looking like total low budget rap video goobers.

3. Generally, the V.I.P room is just a smaller, less crowded version of whatever the rest of the club or lounge.

Now I will admit, that when the rest of the venue gets too crowded for me, the comfort of breathing space VIP room is a welcomed escape. Guilty as charged.

However, I tell you this with great confidence and authority -me being a partier on either side of the velvet rope, the VIP room experience is greatly overrated... you are NOT missing anything... trust me.

Besides that, the way I see it, any room that I am in IS the VIP room -if you don't know now you know. :-)

... enough with the brits already!!!

okay.. last dedicated post about the UUU-Kay...

There is one thing that I picked up which has become my most prized treasure from my travels. After the pub incident, I forgot to mention, we ran into a local CVS like pharmacy. Vee decide to grab some orbitz to make a dirty mouth feel clean. I however ventured out on the more adverntureous side and picked up some apple flavoured aquadrops (a flavour I have yet to see in the states).

Dare I say, these tasty treats are sweet with a hint of tartness yet somehow brillantly refreshing! Not to sound like a total Aquadrops commercial but hey if they are looking for perky charismatic american to endorse their product I am most certainly their gal!!!

I digress... anyway.. I'm down to my last 5 drops... *tear*... not sure how I will get along without my fix...

... beware

<----- ye olde dodgy pub..







FYI --- disturbing comment I have recieved mulitple times this week,
"you left the pub because of a little mouse?"

(thought to self, "is it customary to dine amongst vermin?") -- well yes apparently in a dodgy pub

Perhaps I should have tossed the wanker a chip with some malt vinegar and why not a swig of my lemon fanta to wash it all down.

ME: ***boggle***

...ye olde dodgy pub

... allo... So I'm back.... from the UUU-KAY... (before reading this visit this blog entry )

.. ahem.. now where was I? .. right-o...

So there we stood at the register, unsettled and shaken from our experience requesting our check. The barkeep of course is very curious to understand why we so aburptly ended our meal. Realizing there was still about 25 feet between me and the door, I covered my ears and turned away while Vee explained to the barkeep what she saw.

We promptly paid the check and quickly ran out of the pub into the bustling london streets. After getting about a block away from ye olde dodgy pub, I finally gathered up the courage to ask Vee what she saw. Verily disgusted and still shaken she began to explain that she witnessed something move in the very corner in which we sat. At first she thought it was small bird but then she observed that we were in a closed space. She looked more closely and realized that she was staring at a mouse... That's right the vile, ruddy, little wanker sat there in plain view snacking away on morsels on the pub floor. Bugger! Dirtin' eatin' UK style.. gross! Ruddy sod!

What's really gross is that we were thoroughly enjoying the meal? I can't tell what part of my judgement is off -- my ability to decipher a well made meal or my ability to select an eating establishment that meets health codes from the 21st century.

At any rate, we ended up heading down to Knightsbridge and hanging out at Harrods (my UK happy place). To be honest, you can spend the day in there and have a mini adventure as long as don't look at the prices for anything.. the sticker shock alone can be deadly. I highly recommend a proper British Tea experience on the terrace. Very nice indeed.

Sooo to help you get the image of lit-el mickey (that's little mickey with a brit accent), here are some interesting things that we learned and gossip that we heard during our travels...

- Allegedly at Harrods, Michael Jackson was there the day before shopping for a television... let be known if I had seen the KING of pop myself I would have passed out, started crying and/or started singing and dancing to smooth criminal..hee hee hee!

- Observation: Learning the slang and foul language makes every day conversation very entertaining... ruddy, sod, bugger, wanker ...ha!

- There is a difference between the subway and the underground or tube (metro for you DC'ers). Subway literally means subterrianian walkway. So if you want to get from one corner to another without cross the street you walk underground via a subway.

That's all I can think of right now... my brain still overloaded from the time zone change.

~Cheerio

in the UUUU-KAY

So.. we land... master the tube.. checkin to our hotel and and venture off into the streets of London in search of a proper fish and chips lunch. After a short 10 minute walk we happen upon a traditional pub --what better way to take in the local culture?

(NOTE: From what we have learned thus far in our anthropological excursion, it appear that in the UUU-KAY it is a customary practice for you to seat your own bloody rump at a table. Furthermore, in a pub, you have no waitstaff to coddle you.. it is up to you to discover the menu and place you order at the bar yourself.)

ahem.. I digress...

So fast forward 10 - 15 minutes... we are pleasantly surprised to learn that the wait staff will actually bring your meal to your table. (We were actually anticipating a shot from the barkeep to collect our meals). To our surprise the meal was exceedingly well prepared and equally delish. It included...

- chicken strips with a thai chili dipping sauce
- toasted goat cheese, served on a bed of greens
and of course never to forget...
- chips (that's french fries for you yanks)

We were thoroughly entralled with our meal, savouring each delectable bite. Proud of ourselves for figuring out that a dash of malt vinegar turns an otherwise too sweet british catsup into good ole ketchup. Did mention the refreshing lemon fanta that accompanied my meal... again.. I digress.

As I took healthy bite of my 2nd chicken strip, I glanced brief at Vee who had the distinct look of frozen horror and utter disblief stamped on her face. (those of you with weak stomach, I suggest you log off now)....Immediately I began to scrap the contents of my mouth into a napkin as I questioned with my eyes and a muffled mumble, "what? what? what is it Vee? What did you see". To which she replied, "oh hell no"

Needing no further explaination I immediately grabbed my Prada bag and headed to the bar to demand the check followed closely by Vee who was making her way across the pub booths strategically not allowing her Enzo Angolini boot to touch the pub floor.

Only when we reached the security of the register did I dare ask for the full story.....

... to be continued (being chased out by management)

click here to continue
~ Butterrfly

Am I stupid?

Sometimes... don't you stop and wonder if you are? I know I just did... I seriously sat here for the past 20 minutes trying to figure out how to log into my account and post a new entry... Finally I realized I was using the wrong user name/pass word combination. So no.. I'm not stupid.. perhaps a bit daft (had to through in the UK slang in honour of my current digs).