more awards..

... Every now and then I came across a news story that makes me wonder about the true IQ of the average person. This week I have been presented with not one but TWO phenomenally idiotic news stories that deserve this special random distinction.

Without further adieu, I present this week's jack*ss award winners...

Headline: Heat poses danger at playgrounds

Summary: A 2-year-old boy was hospitalized Friday with third-degree burns after he stepped on a metal maintenance cover [manhole] at Lippert Park in south Oklahoma City.

My thoughts: Okay, the temperatures lately have been so hot that I can feel the scorching heat rise through my flip flops. It is the sort of heat that makes you randomly swear and curse out loud. Which leads me to ask, with a heat index of 100+ degrees Fahrenheit, why would you allow a child to walk BAREFOOT in such heat?.. Its the park not the freaking beach!!! I first heard of this story watching the news the other day, the person taking care of the child at the time of the incident said something like, "I was watching him play and he was laughing and having a good time. Then he stepped on the manhole cover and all of a sudden started to scream and cry..." ** duh **

The woman who was caring for this child deserves a slap in the face and is clearly a top graduate with honors from the donkey school of childcare.. I know its Oklahoma, but seriously, barefoot on a manhole cover? What the hell? Seriously, why would that seem like a good idea? ** boggle ** I'm sure some inane, greedy attorney will work with the family to figure out some way to place a bogus suit against the city for not having warning signs placed. In which case said attorney would also receive a handsome jack*ss award courtesy of yours truly.

Honor: Grand Jack*ss Award

**************

Headline: Waitress checks customer's ID, discovers self (nominated by Paolo, avid random fan and fellow blogger )

Summary:A bar waitress checks to see if a customer was legally old enough [over 21 years old] to drink looked down to see yes.. her own driver's license staring back at her. Apparently the waitress had lost her wallet the previous week. wait for it... that's not the kicker, the customer in question was 23 years old!!!!!!

My thoughts: Do I need to really even vent on this one? ** boggle ** ... Lady you are truly a donkey's backside!

Honor: Golden Jack*ss Award

have a jack*ss award contender? I wanna hear about it.. submit your entries here.

cause and cure

things that make my bum itch! >:-O
10. People who answer "huh" in response to someone calling their name... -- insert rolling of eyes here --

9. Pretentious DC folk (aka Washingtonians) that ask what I do for a living before they ask my name. a--holes

8. Those fishbowl like smoking rooms in selected US airports. For the untraveled, at selected airports across the nation have smoking rooms that are glass walled on all sides. Kinda bizzare to see in person because you really can't see past the smoke more than about 3-4 feet in. Who knows how many people may be heeled over in there suffering some sort of emphesyma attack?

7. Redskins fans... especially as they cheer for the sorry redskins. helloooow... you read it here folks.. the Redskins suck! :-P

6. LIFETIME MOVIES.. ALL OF THEM.. especially the ones with the plot in the title, "my daughter the call girl","She's too young", "my son is now my daughter", "Meth is destroying my life, my husband left me, and my house is burning"

5. People who call and don't leave a message yet get annoyed with me when I don't call them back. --> Boggle <---

4. Vegetarians who show up to a BBQ hungry.

3. Women who show up at the gym in full makeup, hair sprayed hair, and couture work out gear.... idiots

2. Any drivers who thinks 60 miles an hour is an appriopriate speed for the far left lane on the highway.. a--holes.. stay in your lane!!!

1. Muffin tops! (link)-> insert look of disgust <-

things that always make me smile (a.k.a "BUM Itch Relief Balm")
10. Any situation where the underdog prevails.. just love good cinderella story

9. Unsolicited chivalrous act with no expection of returns... I have grand appreciation for a true gentleman

8. A nicely orgranized wedding AND reception with meticulous attention to detail.. shameless shout out to my sis-inlaw

7. A well wrapped thoughtful gift.. especially when my name is on it. :o)

6. A child with good manners... a well placed "I beg your pardon sir/ma'am..." never hurt anyone

5. Fresh floral bouquet special delivered to moi!

4. Unexpected coupon from DSW. tear..sniff..sheer nirvana I tell ya!

3. Frasier ... love the reruns.. don't know why I was NOT hooked on it while it was on primetime... don't know what you got till its gone

2. Uncommon words used appropriately in a sentence that the average person has never heard of...for example...

• obstreperous \uhb-STREP-uhr-uhs; ob-\, adjective:Noisily and stubbornly defiant; unruly.
• grandiloquent \gran-DIL-uh-kwuhnt\, adjective:Lofty in style; pompous; bombastic

1. Prada

New day.. new look..

Hey Random fans..

I thought we could use a random facelift. Just seemed like the right thing to do... more entries coming soon.. in the meantime I'm working on balancing my chi...

Back to reality...

Okay.. all of the popculture hype currently fixated on superheros from Superman to Nacho Libre has got me thinking.

"Isn't everyone a superhero in their own right?"

In my opinion, everyone, well almost everyone, has a special natural ability or skill that makes them well 'unique'.

So I thought about it and came up with my own superhero profile.... so... without further adieu...

Name: BeeButterrfly
other super names considered but not selected:
** She-Ra (already taken)
** SuperGifter
** Moesha Stewart

Secret Identity: Corporate Schmoe

Notable powers or abilities:
** superior ESP-like intuition
** incredible long term memory
** witty sense of humour
** unsurpassed gift giving abilities

Secret Weapons:
** Glue gun
** killer smile

Weakness: ummm.. krispy kreme donuts!

Arch enemies:
>> Doubters, haters, and pessimists alike...
>> Stilt walkers, clowns, anything in masquerade

okay.. so that's my superhero profile.. what's yours?

Introducing..

THE 2006 BUTTERRFLY AWARDS!!!

So I was thinking I have my own blog. Why not have my own awards show (featuring totally random catergories of course)... okay.. you may not see what a blog and an awards show has to do with anything.. but therein lies the point.. duh.. ('its all random' -- for the slow wits... keep up!)

So here we go.. oh and please hold your applause and commentary until the end of the program... now where was I? oh yes...ahem...

Best customer loyalty program goes to... DSW (a.k.a. "my mother ship")They know me well.. 10$ off coupon for my birthday, 15% 'we miss you' coupons when I've been away too long, 25 bucks every few months.. ah.. match made in heaven.. *sigh* we have some good times together.. good times..

Best Battlecry... "By the power of grayskull... I have the power" that's He-man for you unforunate ones (e.g. born post 1980 and/or deprived of cheesy day time cartoonage)

Biggest advancement in apparel design goes to.. all retailers featuring tagless tee's and undergarments (e.g. Banana Republic, Gap, Hanesetc...)In a word, "genius"

Best superbowl win of all time... Superbowl XXV: NYC Giants vs. Buffalo Bills! Haters be silent...especially redskins fans! :-P

Best nightlife... NYC hey... its the only city I know of that literally does not sleep... not that I take advantage of it whenever I'm there...

Best ice cream... Maggie Moo's I know some of you may be annoyed, bewildered or otherwise dumbfounded that cold stone creamery didn't make the cut. While I do appreciate coldstone for their couponing strategy (free cones on your b-day, discounts on cakes for holidays, etc).. I had one bad experience with a ice cream cake wherein I bit into a giangtic ice crystal.. yikes... yeah.. let's just end that there.

Best airline... Delta! say what you want, who cares if you are ever on time, once you hit gold medallion status its smooooth sailing with upgrades galor.. you can't beat that.. if you don't have gold status.. well.. it sucks to be you... :-P

Best bargain for cheapos like me... H&M Specifically the NYC stores.. they have H&amp;M Couture, H&M Baby, H&M maternity,... I'm just waiting for H&M home.. then its all over!!!

Best TV theme song.. "This is it.. this is it.. this is life.. the one you get so go and have a ball.." this is the theme song from one day at a time -again for you unfortunate ones (e.g. born post 1980 and/or deprived of 70s/early 80s prime time TV)

Most fantabulous 'every woman' woman goes to.. OPRAH!! C'mon...no explaination necessary... she's a modern day superhero!

Smartest president of my lifetime goes to.. Jimmy Carter before you under informed history hoi polloi try to argue with me.. read up.

Dumbest president of my lifetime goes to.. well.. let's save that one for off line convos.. :o)
Best Law of the Land goes too.. any state, city, county, local juridication that has employed public no smoking laws. I believe that includes LA; NYC; Mont. County, MD; P&G, MD;.. DC is soon to follow I believe. My clothes, hair and lung thank you Mr and Ms. Lawmaker!

**************************************************************************************************
Disclaimer.. don't be upset if you didn't get an award this time around... remember its an honor just to be nominated.. not that there is a formal nomination process.. if at first you don't succeed.. eh screw it **************************************************************************************************
Best next 'it' phrase goes to.. Vee Gee! phrase: "stay in your lane"... oh its not just for your everyday traffic snafu... it can and should be used to reprimand anyone of inappropriate behavior.. e.g. a size 26 wearing woman in a string bikini.. ugh..for the love of ... please stay in your lane and don a skirted onesie... or a size -4 wearing woman in a string bikini... please do us all a favor, stay off the beaches and stay in the fast food lane supersizing all the way... lest we be cut by one of your protuding bones from your gastly skeletal frame...go eat a sandwich, with extra mayonaise!!!

Best high rolling-vegas trippin-texas hold 'em gambler... Paolo! hey.. he's the only person I know that has been in the ESPN World Championship of poker... cue to music: We trying to stay alive, wyclef jean and the fugee all star version

Coolest job... E-ROB! Designing marketing events where the pussycat dolls are the headliners... it really doesn't get better than that.. ;-) singing to myself.. don'tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me.... don'tcha?

Shame less plugs....
Hippest artsy/urban/psuedo hip-hoppity website..

http://www.dorkmag.com/
Hottest promoter .. www.myspace.com/thesispromotions
Best botox fix... www.dermacareusa.com/loc-brooklynheights.html How do you think I keep my fresh vibrant youthful look? Just jokes, its all in the DNA folks!

Best Blog... beebutterrfly.blogspot.com c'mon! ya know this!

That concludes the awards show program... thank you and good day!

..so.. I might be converting...

That's right!! You read it here first folks!

After years of scoffing at the clown-like styling and dorky appearance of DaimlerChrysler's Smart Car and more recently, risking my life in the hills of Mykonos, Greece in that semi-automatic monstracity... I must admit, they have finally come up with a model that is toooo cute for words... and could sway.. even the likes of me!

Now.. don't get it twisted. I am not suggesting that I'm rushing out today to do a trade in... but let's just say when or rather if my granola-save-the-earth persona ever kicks into 5th gear, I might be more than tempted to pick one of these cute autos up. C'mon.. its PINK!!!

Back on the grid!

Yes you read that correctly! I have a new cell phone. Its sleek, cute and so very pink. Oh, and it plays iTunes too. I feel so futuristic. But most important of all it fits in any purse weightlessly. I can't help but love this phone!!! I'm armed and dangerous now. I won't be carelessly dropping this phone.. yeah.. I didn't even believe that.. how about I'll try harder not to drop this phone as much I did with my dearly departed RAZR. yeah.. I'll buy that.

So that was the good news. savour it... done? okay onto other matters..

The not so good news is that apparently my former cell phone in its mangled state, could not be resuscitated long enough to load my address book onto my new phone. *sigh *

Okay, so what does this mean for you? Hmm.. well its actually quite simple. If you would like me to have your number stored on my cell phone, or rather if you do not want me to have a really good excuse that I will use profusely for never calling you, call my cellphone over the next few days from your various phone lines and leave a quick message so that I can save off missed calls to my address book. As an added bonus the first 10 callers will get a personalized ringtone (iTunes baby) of their choice on my phone.

(Hey, I work in marketing,so I can't help but throw in an extra incentive of some sort! Don't judge me! :-P)

when 1 becomes 2...

Freedom means choosing your burden. ~Hephzibah Menuhin

As many of you may or may not realize... my sleek yet highly abused Motorola Razr phone is defunct, kaput, finito --I'm talking smithereens people (evidence featured below). Yeah.. the short story is that the other day it slipped out of my hands for the upmteenth time, hitting the ground sending pieces everywhere.

This poses a few issues for me...
1. I am forced, or rather more than moderately behooved, to be on time or close to one time since I do not have the ready ability to call in route to say "hey I'm running late..."
2. I have very few phone numbers memorized thanks to the modern technology of my cell phone's digital address book. Hence if you haven't heard from me within the last week, this debacle is likely the culprit.
3. While I can still check voice mail, alas, I cannot track missed calls.. so for those of you who have been cursing my name for unacknowledged miss calls.. well shame on you... my cell phone as you can see is not in peak condition.

Surprisingly, the absence of a cell phone in my daily routine has been quite, shall I say liberating? As I'm not worried about making sure its gets charged up at night or whether its in close proximity to me so that I can answer when it rings, or whether the ring tone set to silent, vibrate or my classic "1000 miles" (Vanessa Carlton).

So its been almost 1 week since my phone went out of commission. Part of my delay in ordering a replacement is the labour I must exert to renegotiate the terms of my new phone. But the other side is that, I am not quite sure that I am ready to give up my new found freedom. Which is ironic all in itself as wireless telephone service is thought to be an ultimate freedom of sorts... Eh, who I am to go WITH the grain? :-) Another few days off the grid won't hurt.

We must be free not because we claim freedom,
but because we practice it. ~William Faulkner

.... a different perspective..

Typically, my blog posts are relatively light hearted musings from my random thoughts.. but fans, today I'd thought I'd share an e-mail I recently recieved from my friend Tam who is currently working in Iraq. It truly gave me a different perspective on life in Iraq.

***************************
Hello! I finally got a chance to come up for air. I am in Northern Iraq- Kurdistan right now.

My flight was cancelled so I had an entire unplanned day. I thought I would write you an email to tell you about Northern Iraq because if you watch the news- you would think the whole country was a bomb.

Iraqis take Fridays off-- the stores close and up here they all drive to the country and picnic. So yesterday It was beautiful Friday in the Spring- no shopping- no stores were open. In the North there are beautiful grassy mountains, flowers, streams, not unlike the US.

So we drove to the country to see these famous picnickers. I had always heard about this- but until I saw it for my own eyes- I had no idea. All of Erbil was out in the country having a picnic! Seriously every patch of the road side and country side was full of families picnicking. Their picnic include dancing, drinking tea, eating, playing games, children playing etc.

We went to this beautiful gully and crashed someone’s wedding. They made me Dance the Kurdish line dance and I am now in someone’s wedding video. “Oh who’s that- some American that showed up out of the blue”. They love Americans more than Americans do.

They salute us- they tell us how much they love us because we freed them from Saddam. So as an American- you are like a celebrity. We then found another picnic in a different area- and the guide decided we should invite ourselves for tea. Again- you would have thought I was Royalty- or president Bush himself- they made a huge deal about catering to me, preparing a special carpet and pillow for me to sit on etc. They took photos, video taped me etc. Maybe it was the red hair—who knows.

Today I helped the military hand out candy to kids on the street. This was my first experience walking around with the military- the Kurds love the military! Everyone came out to the street to wave and say hello. We were offered rides by everyone. What an experience! I had no idea that America was actually appreciated! and these military guys really do want to help the people here. They are here not because they are forced or because they have nothing else to do, but because they truly want to help the people here. It is refreshing. I've met so many military that are highly educated and left their jobs to come to Iraq because they believe in the cause.

After being in the North and seeing these people who were once tormented by a dictator- dancing around and eating Dolma in peace-- does give hope to the rest of the country.

Anyway- just thought I would share a few tid bits-other than the car bomb stories and civil war that you hear on CNN- hope all is well with you all!

... its a holiday damn it!

Happy Birthday to me!
How joyous it be
To party like a rockstar
& still look 23! ;-)

In case you didn't know, April 24th is an official unofficial holiday recognized by uuber cool people ALL around the globe!!! Be sure to take your well deserved time off and enjoy the day!