handywork

Every now and then, I get completely caught up. I watch one too many HGTV, TLC home improvement shows. (Trading Spaces, Design on a Dime, Moving up...yada yada yada). Those shows are really dangerous because they give me the mistaken impression that everything is sooooooo easy. "I can do that too!", "wow, look how easy that was!", "look how this one accent changed the entire dimension of the room"

Right.

Well I got bit by the bug once again. I decided to put up a wall mirror (actually a housewarming gift from last year ... ssshh). Anyway, the project started last Sunday before Thanksgiving. I realized I didn't have a level (or rather couldn't find my level) so I went to home depot as part of my Sunday errands and bought a new one. By the time I got home and started setting up my tree (another story) and everything else, Charmed was on, and then Desparate Housewives, so I didn't get around to actually putting up the mirror. I saved that treat for yesterday.

Well.. 6 drill holes in the wall later (note: the mirror only required 2) the mirror was up and secured to wall. It took me a total of 57 minutes for me to hang that damned mirror. The distance between the drill holes required a level of precision that I could only accomplish through sheer trial and error. I actually don't know how I finally got the mirror affixed to the wall. For all I know little mirror bits and pieces are scattered on the floor from the dramatic drop from the wall. *sigh*

Lesson to be learned, Don't believe the hype. You can not do it yourself. Hire someone. There is no personal satisfaction in handywork. I speak the truth.

New York Minute

TAXI PLEASE....
Okay, what's up with the yellow cabs? Specifically I'm talking about the ones in the car line up at LaGuardia Airport, actually Kennedy too for that matter. Let me 'splain. It seems that every time I hop in a yellow cab with a Brooklyn destination the cabbie feigns ignorance on how to get there. **boggle** At which point I have give explicit directions on how to navigate the highways/streets to get to my destination including how to get out of the taxi lane and onto the highway..

I feel ...

(1) if you (cabbie) are bold enough to drive out of Manhattan to pick up customers you should be ready and prepared to drive to anywhere in the TRI-STATE AREA -that's NY-NJ-CT for you non-new yawkers.

(2) If I have to give detailed instructions, I should be given a discounted fare. 25% seems fair.

Damned cabbies.

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DRIVING IN THE CITY

For those who don't know New York City is the most highly regulated city when it comes to traffic laws. Things that you wouldn't even thing would be illegal are in this city of mine.. e.g...

1. NO right turn on red!
2. NO talking on your cell phone while driving unless you are using a hands free device.
3. NO horn honking unless there is implicit danger.

Now rule number 1.. eh its just necessary, new yawkers barely stop at a red light, allowing turns on red would probably wipe out 5% of the pedestrian population annually.

Now rule number 2... I guess I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer because I didn't completely absorb this concept. About a year or so ago, I was driving in NYC talking on my cell phone. Realizing that the handsfree cell phone law was well in effect I put my cell phone on speaker as I enjoyed my leisurely ride into the city. Halfway through my journey, I pulled into a tollbooth way to pay the toll which was being operated by a police officer (post 911 precaution). I gave the officer a friendly smile as I handed over my toll fee, while continued to talk on the phone. He interrupted my conversation by asking me for my license and registration. Again clueless, I said to him, "oh wow, this is new. Is this some sort of new security procedure?". He then informed me that I was breaking the law by talking on my cell phone and driving. I course pointed out to him that the call was on speaker. He in return said, "Ma'am the law is that you must ride hands free of a cell phone. Your cell phone is in your hand and you are holding it up to your head". **insert shocked embarrassed expression here** Good news he let me off with a verbal warning. Lesson to be learned... a nice friendly smile can get you out of almost any jam.

Now rule number 3 really boggles my mind. How in the world can it be enforced. Don't honk unless there is imminent danger? huh? Its New York!!! Just breathing the air is dangerous. Moreover, horn honking is part of the local culture. Since this law has been in effect I must admit the streets of New York are noticeably more quiet. However, I feel like the general village idiot gets off easy with this law. I think the law needs to be amended to be something like, "NO horn honking unless there is implicit danger or the driver in front of you is clearly an a--hole". Not that I have road rage or anything. :-) But a tap of the horn is part of my driving technique...

my discovery...

I have a new discovery.... well sort of. Actually, I have Comcast's feature to onDemand to thank for my finding. I have coined the phrase

comfort TV ©

Yes folks. You read it correctly. I'm aaaalllllll about Comfort TV. Allow me to pontificate on this concept for a moment. ...

com·fort (noun)

• A condition or feeling of pleasurable ease, well-being, and contentment.
• The capacity to give physical ease and well-being: enjoying the comfort of my favorite chair.

So like the undeniable comfort of a favorite blankie, or a hot bowl of mac n' cheese, I am comforted by the onDemand lineup from Comcast. Specifically 80s hit favorites "Diff'rent Strokes" and "Fact's of Life". Quite honestly, its a sleep inducer for me. Within 15 minutes or less of watching an episode from either of these programs I am in a deep,restfull state - quickly drifting off to slumber paradise. You would have to be a sleep connoisseur like myself to actually get this concept.But stick with me, I'm going somewhere with this...

On one hand do I believe, this concept is really true American-couch-potato-laziness at its core. To develop a term for indulging in nostalgia TV is just another excuse for inactivity. But my pinko ideologies are quickly drowned out by the hip, still rocking beat...

"Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum, What might be right for you, may not be right for some. A man is born, he's a man of means. Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans..."

or, the catchy, melody that forces me to bobb my head from side to side whenever I sing along...

"You take the good,You take the bad,You take them both and there you have the facts of life.The facts of life.There's a time you gotta go and showYou're growin' now,You know about the facts of life.The facts of life."

(do you also bobb your head from side to side when you sing the facts of life theme song? I think the head bobbing may be part of secret to singing the song correctly... I digress)

All I need is a good "whatchoo talkin 'bout willis" from Arnold Drummond or the witty banter exchange between Blair Warner and Jo Polnezchek not to mention the comedic overtures of Natalie Green and Tootie Ramsey to render me into blissful unconsciousness.

Now what would really be the pièce de résistance, is if Comcast were to add the Jeffersons to its 80s onDemand selection. Whew... I might never leave the house again. Actually not true.. I currently own 3 seasons of the Jefferson's on DVD and still manage to have an active and quite enviableble social life ;-) Note to self: bring Jeffersons DVD set home for thanksgiving. What could be better than the ultimate comfort meal coupled with the ultimate comfort TV program. Besides that turkey and the Jeffersons just go together. (you have to be a real fan to get that connection)

So there you have it folks. I have my vice... ComfortTV©... Find yours!

...I'd like to make a special shout out..

... to my friend Tam-Rock who is holding it down in the middle-east!!! For those of you who don't know Starbucks is truly global -blurring cultural boarders worldwide. Yes you can go as far as Jordan still be able to enjoy a tasty, tantalizing creme brulee latte. yum!

ACTUAL SHOUT OUT: "Tam! Do the damned thing out there...you international service, extraordinary MBA person!!! You know you rock!!! See you soon! Be safe!"

ramdon fans...stay tuned... more posts to come soon...

[NOTE: Thanks for all of the concerned e-mail and phone calls regarding Tam... Never fear, she is doing just fine and is in a safe, well secured location. She left jordan days before the suicide bombings occured.]